Becoming You

These past few weeks I have oddly have had a lot of assignments due about self-reflection. As much as I thought I knew about myself, I didn’t. There were parts of myself that I forgot about and left in my childhood. These assignments helped me open some barriers I have developed and brought back some of my favorite memories. I thought it was really cool that my college classes had these assignments as it helped me reflect a lot on my life so far. I wanted to share this with you guys as it really was healing to work on. I encourage you guys to do some type of reflection through something that you are passionate about and like to do whether that is writing, art, baking, or even exercise!

Here is what I submitted as a reflection to my family/friends:

Looking back on my childhood, I remember being care-free. There isn’t as many responsibilities when you are a child. My days consumed of waking up, watching cartoons, playing, and spending time with you guys who are my family and friends. Every moment I remember being happy and appreciative of what I had. I could fantasize about how my future would be like. As a child, I thought I would always live in my childhood home. No matter what I did I always looked forward to time with you guys. You are part of the reason of who I am today. As I am beginning this new chapter in my life, I would like to reflect on some of the ways I made it to this point.

My favorite memories were you guys helping me learn to be creative and strong, just by hanging out with me. It is erratic to think how much of a tomboy I was! Any chance I could get my hands in mud, I would. Only a child can get so creative with mud and make a whole pretend restaurant out of it. Flowers, rocks, water, and mud turned into fake pies which I would happily serve in a planter pot to my loved ones. I ask myself all the time, how you dealt with that being served to you. It made my childhood a million times better because it fills my memories with laughter and merriment. Having both of you lovely brothers also added into my tomboy phase. It was easier for me to mirror my brothers’ actions because I wanted to be like them.

From a very young age, I could see how brave and passionate my brothers are about their goals. They do not give up on their dreams and they are always willing to put in the work. I remember the moment they started to help teach me the same mindset. It was the first time I was learning how to ride a bike and I was so eager to ride! I remember we were all outside, and the boys were riding theirs trying to help me learn. I quickly fell off my bike and my brothers told me “Just get back up and try again!” That was all it took for me to keep trying to ride, which finally I did! It would have been so much easier to begin to cry, run into the house, and give up which I definitely considered doing. Without them encouraging me and helping me believe in myself, I do not think I would have had the drive to keep trying. Even though I had an amazing childhood, I always had this fear of the future.

It was difficult to imagine the person I wanted to become. It terrified me to become a failure, which made me turn into a perfectionist. I was very hard on myself to be “perfect” at everything. I had the mindset to be the perfect student, worker, daughter, and friend. Being an over achiever about everything created a lot of stress and unhappiness for me. In middle school and high school, I did not want a grade lower than an A plus. I did not know how bad I was hurting my physical and mental state until I almost broke down my junior year. I was falling behind on assignments due to me spending five hours a day, just on notes and reading. Let’s not even go into detail about how I was during finals week! Anyway, I knew when it came time for me to go to college, I could not continue this unhealthy routine. An important step into this new journey in life, is to get rid of that mindset. I will succeed in a healthier and happier life by giving myself room for some mistakes. Without having some mistakes in life, there isn’t experiences to learn from. That is the majority of what college is about, right? A time to transition away from our  high-school child self, into an adult college student where we learn through education and personal development.

The things I could picture about my future were the traits I wanted to work towards having. Some of them are being kind, patient, forgiving, and hard-working. I developed some of these traits by the mentors through-out my life, but it is up myself to maintain them. I can always look back to fun memories with you all but it is amazing to think about what is waiting in the future! Those memories remind me that I was once care-free before I developed my perfectionist traits later in life. I am in the process of finding a good balance between the two. There are real pies to make now and I cannot wait to finally share ones that are edible with you!

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